The Truth About Compatibility in Relationships: Filipinas and Expats

Discover the truth about compatibility in Expat-Filipina relationships. Learn why shared values matter more than common interests in fostering lasting love.

With this blog, I lay bare a relationship between Filipina and an Expat, which is normally disparaged in the West and by some Western Women who make YouTube vlogs mostly because these people, through their envy, assume that two different individuals are incompatible on account of the age difference or that the relationship is a predatory one, with the usually much younger Filipina being exploited for her beauty and youthful body by an old guy who had no success back home.

Let’s call a spade a spade, folks; these are the most common perceptions of many folks.

These people cannot see how anyone on either side of that great divide that separates the Philippines and the West has anything in common or that they can make a go of things together.

 If you don’t want to read this, that’s your business. However, to those who will write it off as Propaganda for Filipina-expat relationships, we don’t have to share the same interests to get along. We don’t have to share the same values and foresee the same future, which is, after all, what matters most.

Introduction and Common Issues

The true stereotype of  Expats dating Filipinas is that it cannot work and that the partners cannot get along because they are a Bird and Fish pair—too different, the usual critics say: where will they live? or aren’t they psychologically wired differently? Aren’t they from different worlds? This is the usual BS we get from xenophobes.

This is both a simple and flawed view of human relationships. The emphasis on shared interests as a condition for compatibility omits the often lighter and more ephemeral connections and the deeper ones that emerge from contrasts.

Some critics argue that an insurmountable cultural chasm exists between a Filipina and an Expat, particularly an older Expat who will inevitably be at odds and often argue.

Unfortunately, this wrong and stereotypical perspective misses what makes relationships work. 

It is often more about love and understanding that causes couples to close the gap than about interests. 

Many successful couples marry for their differences, not their similarities; in my case, my wife is Western European, and I am of South Asian and West Asian descent—we are certainly going in all directions with differences except North East. 

Understanding Compatibility Misconceptions

If you’re going to date a Filipina, be prepared for some myths about compatibility. You might have heard that they should share your hobbies and lifestyles or that you must come from a similar cultural or ethnic background.

Much deeper elements are at work. To be compatible, one must feel a sense of shared emotional and intellectual space, mutual support, respect for one another’s priorities, and, of course, share a vision of a life.

All relationships are built on a desire (and ability) to learn and adapt.

Even if he has never watched a Filipino soap or learnt the local language, a Filipina can bring a little of her culture into his life and open up a new world of possibility.

The Role of Shared Interests in Relationships

Coming together in shared interests enriches a relationship but is not its bedrock. In time, a Filipina and Expat partner can take up new activities and introduce each other to new interests—and this commonality of experience enhances their relationship. But their togetherness also creates the potential for adventure.– What do you think?

Besides, relationships are about concession. We might be surprised; the Filipina might like to learn to play bingo or shoot at a gun range.

She might not like some of the things her partner loves, but she can and likely will participate in her expat partner’s activities.

If she is happy to join in with her partner’s activities, that’s more evidence of the flexibility and commitment that can make for a good domestic partnership.

Many ex-pats from the United Kingdom, United States, Califonia, and Australia who were dating or married to Filipinas in Cebu told me about their experiences.

One told the story of falling in love with his beautiful Filipina, who was, as he put it, way out of his league. 

Years earlier, when he visited the Philippines on a family holiday, he met her at a bar while she served drinks and chatted with him.

He met her when he snuck out for a drink at 1 a.m. while the wife was asleep. Not long after, his marriage back home fell apart in Australia, and within two years, he returned to the same bar to find his true love—a petite, beautiful Filipina who spoke softly and was kind to him. I remember his story more vividly. He was the first guy to tear up when he spoke to me, which was not what I expected, given that he had a large frame and masculine persona. If you must, imagine him – think of the crocodile dundee – Paul Hogan in his prime -in Australia, we would call a guy like him a bloke’s bloke.  

He said they discovered vast differences in their lives when they first talked, making them want to know more.

In loving each other, they learned to celebrate their differences. ‘His love for the outdoors,’ said the Filipina who had joined in the chat at this point, ‘and my hunger for food.’ 

She continued, “We managed to hike down every local trail and try every new restaurant we heard about.” He did not disagree.

Why Age and Interests Don’t Define Success

Another misconception is that a relationship’s perceived success is based on an age difference or certain interests. Many couples, including couples with a Filipina partner, prove that love has no boundaries, that age is just a number, and that added perspectives with added luck could only mean added benefits.

 

For example, a divorced  Expat in his 40s might benefit from dating a younger Filipina as she introduces a fresh perspective on life. He, in turn, can adopt certain traits from his life experience that complement this new perspective. With such a dynamic, a balance can be reached whereby both partners mutually grow while retaining their element of otherness.

 

Ultimately, a relationship can only succeed if the Expat and Filipina can communicate, bend over backwards, and encourage one another. A Filipina’s natural inclination to nurture her partner will often complement his dynamic energy, making for a relationship that works – and indeed thrives – based on mutual respect and shared ambition.

Cultural Differences: An Asset, Not a Barrier

Cultural differences would appear to be a problem in some relationships with Filipinos. Still, with a positive perspective, those cultural differences can be considered a resource or lead to a fresh outlook on your relationship.

The fact that your Filipina partner comes from a different culture would bring a fresh perspective. As a result, your partner’s role in the relationship might differ from what you are accustomed to in your home country. She might be more peaceful, respectful, caring, submissive, and generally more feminine in her appearance and actions than your ex-wife back in the West—you might not have experienced a Filipina kind of woman in your life.

This intercultural exchange of cultural differences helps you grow and learn about things you haven’t learned before.

The Importance of Shared Spiritual Paths

Common spirituality is important to the longevity of a relationship with a Filipina because spiritual commitments often lead to value and lifestyle choices, and couples need to be able to align on that. A Filipina’s commitment to her Christian and Catholic faith may offer security and meaning in ways that can contribute to the cohesion of a relationship.

Many Filipinas have faith that guides daily routines. Together with a sense of spirituality, it can regulate decisions about family and work and shape a couple’s approach to companionship and community life. Shared convictions strengthen lives when two partners resolve problems together, sustaining a web of emotional connections.

Then again, even if their specific faiths differ, couples can still find a middle ground since many Filipinas are adaptable and tolerant of different beliefs.

Ultimately, this creates an environment for a spiritual dialogue that adds a new dimension to the relationship.

 

Defining Future Goals Together

Forming future goals is important in any relationship, but even more so for those with a Filipina.

A couple must lay down their dreams, whether a family, a career, or a lifestyle.

 If both have a shared vision, no matter how simple or lofty, it will give the relationship meaning and direction.

For example, a Filipina places a high value on her extended family and community (balitaan) can lead her to engage more frequently with her wider network than her partner may be comfortable with, impacting their plans for the future.

You can talk candidly about these values. In that case, they are more likely to calibrate these expectations, resulting in greater satisfaction and, in turn, more support from one’s partner for personal growth and aspirations.

Furthermore, setting goals together can improve the bond between the Filipina and the Expat. 

A couple who works for something together, like purchasing a house or starting a family, has to be more focused and work as a team.

It is crucial to build an emotional connection by celebrating even the small process milestones one must cover to achieve this mutual goal.

The Role of Communication in Mixed Relationships

Supposedly, the key to happiness in any relationship is communication – and a relationship with a Filipina is no different.

Open dialogue between people who speak different languages, come from different cultures, and approach relationship problems with different ways of thinking can be enormously helpful.

Please take note that your future Filipina partner or wife’s mind is built tough like a Ford F-150 due to her tough upbringing.

She has a communication style far from that of women in the West.

 Filipinas generally appreciate straight-to-the-point, direct communication without the fluff but delivered politely; of course, they may not get a “hurt feeling” as much as Western Women. 

This was my experience when I dated a Filipina in Australia, and at least 50 expats I chatted with during my travels in Southeast Asia said the same, which can establish a common understanding and avoid conflicts.

Ultimately, you will not need to tiptoe around eggshells to avoid a difficult conversation. Are you familiar with this feeling? 

Indeed, checking in with feelings and expectations can also be important to building trust.

 One Filipina might enjoy her Expat’s openness to his feelings. At the same time, she finds it unusual in men and feels a sense of a safe place where her vulnerabilities can also be shared. Pursuing an agreement can help bind the relationship together, as each person feels understood.

It is also about good listening. If, for instance, a Filipina feels the need to talk about how she felt abused when her in-laws scolded her about something she didn’t do, her husband’s facial expression and empathic words can help her feel heard and understood and affirm their relationship.

Filipinas and Expats: A Growing Community

The community of Filipinas and expats is growing constantly, creating vibrant webs of support and friendship. Since they’re in relationships with Expats, they increasingly share similar experiences and problems. 

The growing community creates understanding and solidarity between the couples.

Social media forums and online chatrooms offer avenues where these couples can connect, tell stories, share best practices and cultural information, and thus enrich their relationships. Often, a Filipina is buoyed by her awareness that she is part of a group of other women who are similarly situated.

 

Embracing Differences as Strengths

So, cultural differences and upbringing can be daunting for a Filipina and her Expat, though they can also become assets. A Filipina’s culture and upbringing can provide a yin to his yang and complement his ways.

For instance, a Filipina may prioritise family and community, while her Expat may emphasise personalism and individual goals. This combination can foster valuable dialogue about priorities, enabling the couple to create a partnership that respects and values the strengths each partner brings to it.

Celebrating Achievements Together

Whether it was a ‘personal win’ or a goal they had met together, celebrating small, shared experiences strengthened the relationship. The bond is especially important for Filipinos and their  Expat partners because most tend to be modest and prefer to be publicly recognised and appreciated. This can be especially beneficial for improving relationship satisfaction.

Moreover, setting and achieving goals together—whether buying a house or planning a family—can be a foundation for a couple’s teamwork. Committing to her husband’s agenda can give a Filipina the space and a partner to help her achieve her dreams. This sense of shared endeavour is crucial to the success of a long-term relationship.

Conclusion: Love Beyond Commonalities

Overall, it is said that the relationship between a Filipina and an Expat is not based on commonalities. A couple might share interests, but interests are not exclusively the basis for a successful relationship.

On the other hand, love is based on understanding, respect, and a vision for the future that aligns with both partners’ considerations.

FAQs

1. What are the essential elements of a successful mixed marriage? 

Shared values, future goals, and spiritual alignment are crucial.

2. Are financial motivations a common factor in Expat-Filipina relationships?

While financial security can be a consideration, love and respect are more significant.

3. How can couples embrace cultural differences?

By participating in each other’s traditions and celebrating diversity.

4. What role do supportive communities play in relationships?

They provide encouragement, advice, and a sense of belonging for couples.

5. Can diverse interests strengthen a relationship?

Yes, they provide opportunities for growth and shared experiences.

6. Why is open communication important in mixed marriages?

It helps couples align their goals and navigate challenges together.