My Brothers,

I’m Jay Ramel, a 36-year-old interracial dating coach with roots in northern India and a hint of Middle Eastern heritage.

Life has taken me across borders, both geographically and emotionally. Born in the USA, I eventually moved to Australia, where I married a wonderful woman of Anglo-Saxon descent.

Standing at 5 feet 11 inches with an athletic build, I’ve always pursued a balanced life—whether it’s through my passion for yoga, health, or exploring new cultures. I’ve dated women from 28 different nationalities.

You might imagine the differences would be vast, wouldn’t you? Yet, beneath the surface, I noticed that we shared deeper psychological similarities in many cases than I could have ever anticipated. 

Cultural differences aside, connecting with someone feels almost instinctual—as if the bond transcends the barriers society sets for us.

I’ve learned a lot while navigating the world of interracial dating, and I’d like to share some of that with you. Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship, marriage, or just navigating the dating market, these tips could help you avoid some of the pitfalls of dating across cultures.

1. The Herd Instinct

The first thing you’ll want to understand when dating across certain cultures is what I call the “herd instinct.” Cultures such as Indian, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and Eastern European are heavily community-based. When you date someone from these backgrounds, you aren’t just dating them; you’re dating their entire family—and I mean everyone.

Let me elaborate on my experience dating an Italian woman. I thought weekends would be our personal time, where we’d have the space to enjoy each other’s company. Instead, almost every Saturday was dedicated to family events—birthday parties, dinners, and social gatherings with cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

The idea of skipping a family event was unheard of, and when I suggested spending a weekend alone, it caused quite a stir. Her family was central to her life; I was expected to embrace that as her partner. While it felt heartwarming to be so welcomed, the truth is, if you value privacy or independence, this can become overwhelming.

Understanding the “herd” dynamic early in a relationship is essential. If you’re dating someone from a culture where family is the centre of everything, be prepared to share your weekends and future with their extended family.

They may face resistance if the opportunity to relocate away from their family for work or other opportunities arises need more support. Being honest with yourself and your partner about your willingness to join their herd long-term is vital. Sometimes, the best decision is to “bless and release” if you can’t see yourself fitting into that close-knit dynamic.

2. The Sacred Cow

In many cultures, mothers hold an almost sacred position in the family, and this is a critical point to understand when dating someone from a background that reveres the mother figure. I learned this hard while dating a woman from a Russian family.

During an argument, I commented off-hand about her mother being too involved in our relationship. The fallout from that one comment lasted weeks. In cultures like Indian, Middle Eastern, Italian, or Spanish, disrespecting the mother—even unintentionally—can have serious consequences.

I recall a similar experience when I was dating a Middle Eastern woman. Her mother had a say in almost every aspect of her life, from her clothes to the men she dated. It was clear that I had to win her mother’s approval to be with her. This wasn’t just about polite interaction; her mother’s approval would determine our relationship’s future. I was constantly walking a fine line, trying to maintain respect while navigating her mother’s influence over our relationship. The same applies to dating any Indian person; the mother is sacred.

This “sacred cow” issue is something to be aware of from the beginning. Even the smallest criticism or disagreement with the matriarch can cause serious rifts. If you’re entering a relationship where the mother figure holds such a central role, it’s always important to be tactful and respectful. Discuss family dynamics early and openly with your partner, and establish boundaries that work for both of you. If this level of family involvement doesn’t suit you, step away before things get too serious.

3. Money Hoarding for the Right Reasons

Financial compatibility is important in any relationship, but it plays a much more prominent role in some cultures. In my experience with women from East Asian backgrounds—Chinese, Korean, Japanese—money management is not just about the present; it’s about planning, often decades ahead. I dated a Korean woman who was very particular about saving money. Every decision, from where we went on holiday to how much we spent on gifts, was calculated with an eye on long-term savings. She often mentioned how her parents drilled into her the importance of frugality and financial planning from a young age.

As I often did, this mindset can be challenging if you come from a culture or background that values spontaneity and living for the moment. Our views on spending and saving clashed several times, and it became clear that if we were to continue the relationship, we needed to align our financial goals. East Asian women often seek a partner who can provide financial security, particularly as they consider their family’s well-being in old age. In cultures with strong filial piety, saving and planning for parents’ care is a common expectation.

If you’re dating someone from this background, I recommend having an open conversation about finances early on. Discuss your attitudes toward saving, investing, and spending and ensure you’re on the same page. A mismatch in financial values can be a dealbreaker, but understanding each other’s perspectives can prevent future disagreements.

4. What to Do with Elderly Parents

Cultural views can vary widely regarding caring for elderly parents. In Anglo-Saxon cultures, relying on professional care homes or retirement villages for aging parents is common. This approach is practical and ensures that elderly family members receive professional care. However, in cultures like Greek, Indian, Russian, and Pacific Islander, placing parents in care homes can be viewed as neglectful or even disrespectful.

I remember dating a Greek woman with a clear vision of how her parents would be cared for when they became older. They would live with us, and it wasn’t up for debate. For her, caring for one’s parents in their old age was a family duty and a deeply held cultural value. In contrast, I grew up in a household where my parents planned to move to a retirement community when the time came. These two perspectives were worlds apart, and it caused some friction in our relationship.

This is a conversation you must have early in your relationship, especially if marriage or a long-term commitment is on the horizon. If your partner expects you to help care for her parents in the future, and you’re not on board, it’s better to address the issue head-on. Be open about your views, and try to find a compromise that respects both cultural values. Otherwise, this could become a point of contention down the line.

5. Communication Style Differences

One of the most striking differences I’ve encountered in interracial relationships is communication style. Women from cultures like Indian, Russian, Arab, Greek, Persian, and Spanish tend to communicate with passion and intensity. During my relationship with an Egyptian woman, I was initially taken aback by her fiery communication style. Raised voices, hand gestures, and emotional expressions were all part of how she conveyed her feelings. What I first interpreted as arguments were, in fact, just her way of expressing herself passionately.

On the flip side, when I dated an Anglo-Saxon woman, the communication was much more subdued and calmer. There were no raised voices, and disagreements were resolved through quiet discussion.

The cultural difference in how we communicated often left us feeling misunderstood. For example, she found my expressive way of communicating confrontational, while I felt her calm approach lacked urgency.

Understanding your partner’s communication style is crucial to navigating a successful relationship.

In cultures where emotions are more freely expressed, a raised voice or intense discussion doesn’t necessarily signal conflict—it’s how feelings are conveyed. On the other hand, in more reserved cultures, such displays can feel overwhelming or aggressive.

It’s important to find a balance and adapt to each other’s styles to both of you feel heard and understood.

6. Making Love Styles

Cultural expectations can shape how partners connect in intimacy. Romantic gestures were often appreciated in my relationships with Western European and Anglo-Saxon women.

Candlelit dinners, thoughtful surprises, and a sense of occasion around intimacy were important. These partners enjoyed pre-coital rituals, making the experience feel more intentional and meaningful.

In contrast, women I dated from Asian, Middle Eastern, and Pacific Islander backgrounds were often more reserved in public displays of affection, preferring a more private and emotionally driven connection. One woman I dated from a Pacific Islander background had a deeply emotional approach to intimacy.

It wasn’t about grand gestures but rather the quiet, meaningful moments we shared in private. Public displays of affection were minimal, as there was a strong cultural emphasis on modesty and “saving face.”

Navigating these differences requires sensitivity. Some cultures may prioritise romantic gestures, while others focus on emotional intimacy in quieter ways.

Awareness of these differences and discussing your preferences can help you build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

7. Cooking Skills

As I’ve discovered, food can be a love language all on its own. One of the joys of interracial dating is experiencing different culinary traditions. In my relationships with Mediterranean women—Greek, Italian, and Spanish—cooking was integral to our connection.

I vividly remember dating an Italian woman who would spend hours preparing intricate meals from scratch, using fresh ingredients and traditional recipes passed down through generations. Cooking was more than just a chore for her; it was a way of expressing love and nurturing our relationship.

On the other hand, women I dated from Anglo-Saxon backgrounds often excelled in baking, creating delicious pies, cakes, and pastries that I thoroughly enjoyed. While the cooking style differed, it still carried the same underlying message: care and affection.

If food is important to you, consider how well your partner’s culinary preferences align with yours. You might find that cooking together becomes a bonding experience, or you may learn to appreciate new flavours and techniques. Either way, food can be a wonderful way to bridge cultural gaps and strengthen your connection.

8. Beauty and Its Mileage

Cultural habits, particularly diet and lifestyle, can significantly impact people’s age. While dating Scandinavian women, I noticed they maintained their youthful looks well into their 40s. This is largely due to their active lifestyle, healthy eating habits, and overall positive outlook. Scandinavian women often embrace a balanced approach to health, combining physical activity with a diet rich in whole foods and low in processed ingredients.

In contrast, I observed that women from Indian and Middle Eastern backgrounds tended to age more quickly, which I suspect may be due to their diets. Traditional Indian cuisine, while delicious, often includes high amounts of carbohydrates and oils and lower levels of antioxidants compared to Mediterranean or East Asian diets. This can impact the skin’s elasticity and overall aging process. Similarly, smoking, which is more common in some Middle Eastern cultures, can accelerate the signs of aging, particularly around the eyes and mouth.

If maintaining a youthful appearance is important, consider how your partner’s cultural diet and lifestyle may play a role. While genetics certainly influence aging, cultural habits can enhance or diminish one’s ability to stay youthful. Of course, it’s essential to remember that beauty goes far beyond the surface, and a person’s character and connection should always outweigh physical appearance in the long run.

9. Warmth and Snuggle Factor

Physical affection is essential to many relationships, but warmth and affection vary significantly across cultures. In my experience, women from Hispanic and Filipino backgrounds were incredibly warm and affectionate. They were generous with hugs, handholding, and comforting physical closeness, which I found to be a deeply nurturing experience.

One relationship I had with a Filipino woman stands out—her warmth and caring nature made me feel completely at ease, even during difficult times. She had an innate ability to offer emotional support through physical touch, whether a hug after a long day or a gentle hand on my shoulder when I needed reassurance.

On the other hand, I found that women from East Asian and Russian backgrounds were more reserved in their displays of affection, often due to cultural norms that value stoicism and emotional restraint. Public displays of affection were rare, and physical closeness was more reserved for private moments.

This doesn’t mean these women were less loving; their affection was expressed differently.

Understanding how your partner expresses affection is crucial in any relationship, but it’s especially important in interracial relationships where cultural norms may differ. Be patient and learn to appreciate the subtle ways your partner shows love and care, even if it’s not through physical touch.

10. The Agreeableness Scale With Personal Stories

One aspect of interracial dating that often goes unnoticed is the varying degrees of agreeableness and adaptability among women from different cultures. In my experiences, I’ve found that cultural background can play a significant role in how a woman approaches relationship dynamics, compromise, and willingness to let the man lead. Let’s break this down with various nationalities and personal stories that shaped my understanding of these cultural traits.

Filipino Women

Agreeableness Level: 4.9/5 – Angel Women

I’ve had a couple of relationships with Filipino women, and one thing that stood out to me was their nurturing, easy-going nature. Filipino women often prioritise harmony in a relationship, making them extremely flexible and adaptable.

I remember dating Maria, a Filipino nurse I met in Sydney. No matter the disagreement, she remained calm and said, “Let’s figure it out together.” Her ability to keep the peace, especially when things got tough, made our relationship seamless.

There was no drama or prolonged tension—just a natural flow of give and take. She was more than willing to let me take the lead in areas I felt strongly about, and in return, I ensured her voice was always heard.

Takeaway: Filipino women’s high agreeableness makes them fantastic companions if you seek a relationship with minimal conflict and a warm, nurturing partner. (Take note, brothers)

Pacific Islander Women (Samoan, Hawaiian)

Agreeableness Level: 4.5/5

I once dated a Samoan woman named Leilani, and I quickly realised that family values and maintaining peace are integral parts of Pacific Islander culture. Leilani was incredibly understanding and always went the extra mile to avoid confrontation.

I recall an incident where our conflicting work schedules made it difficult to plan holidays together. Instead of expressing frustration, she calmly suggested we compromise—perhaps a shorter getaway with more quality time. This level of maturity and willingness to find a middle ground was something I hadn’t encountered often. Samoan women, in particular, tolerate life’s ups and downs and are adaptable without being passive.

Takeaway: If you’re looking for a partnership built on mutual respect, emphasising family and shared responsibility, Pacific Islander women fit the bill. They value balance and harmony, and that’s reflected in their relationship approach.

Greek Women

Agreeableness Level: 4/5

Greek women tend to be highly expressive and affectionate but appreciate traditional relationship gender roles.

I dated a Greek woman named Sofia while living in Melbourne. While strong-willed, she appreciated a man taking the lead in practical matters like organising finances or making big decisions about our future. We once disagreed about how we’d spend our holidays—she wanted to visit her extended family in Greece, while I wanted a more relaxed holiday in Bali.

While initially strong in her stance, Sofia quickly adapted when she saw how much it meant to me. We spent part of the holiday with her family and the rest on a peaceful beach, blending our desires.

Takeaway: Greek women can be quite agreeable, particularly when they see that you’re genuinely invested in the relationship. However, they like to feel that their opinions are valued, which makes them excellent partners in a balanced dynamic.

Japanese Women

Agreeableness Level: 3.5/5

My experience dating Japanese women revealed that they’re often more reserved in public but deeply committed in private. I once dated Yuki, a marketing professional I met during a business trip to Tokyo. On the surface, she was soft-spoken and incredibly polite, but as our relationship grew, she became more assertive in her views. However, she always maintained a sense of respect and balance, never pushing too hard. I found it interesting that Japanese culture focuses on harmony in relationships. Yuki often deferred to my lead on bigger decisions but was firm regarding areas that mattered, like maintaining family traditions or our social etiquette.

Takeaway: Japanese women may seem more reserved initially but tend to balance agreeableness with quiet strength. They’re willing to follow your lead but expect mutual respect and partnership.

Russian Women

Agreeableness Level: 2.5/5

Russian women don’t usually strike a balance between assertiveness and agreeableness. I dated a Russian woman named Anastasia while working on a project in Sydney. She had a strong, independent spirit but was surprisingly adaptable regarding relationship dynamics.

One instance that stands out is when we planned to move in together. She had a very set idea about how she wanted our home to look—modern and minimalist—while I preferred a cozier, more eclectic vibe. Initially, we clashed often, but Anastasia sometimes suggested compromises, like blending our tastes rather than sticking to one rigid idea. Russian women, from my experience, are tough and often embody leadership skills and stoic strength, yet they are open to letting their partner take charge if they trust them to be an alpha male.

In my opinion, a Russian woman is not a viable option if you are a meek guy who is a yes man; you may end up being led by her. I suspect their masculine mentality comes from the hard life, tough love survivalist mentality passed down from the Soviet generations. This type of masculine persona would serve Russian women well in leadership.

Takeaway: Russian women may have a strong will but are also open to negotiation and compromise, especially if they feel secure in the relationship. They are not shy about voicing their opinions but will respect your leadership in areas you feel strongly about.

Italian Women

Agreeableness Level: 3.5/5

Italian women are passionate, lively, and family-oriented, but they also like to maintain a strong sense of personal identity.

I remember dating Francesca, an Italian architect who was fiercely independent. She had strong opinions on almost everything, from politics to food, but she was also incredibly warm and loving. There was one moment when we were at a crossroads regarding our future—I wanted to explore job opportunities abroad while she was deeply connected to her family in Italy.

Despite her initial resistance, Francesca agreed to consider moving with me as long as we kept close ties with her family through regular visits. She wasn’t submissive by any means, but her ability to compromise came from a place of love and commitment.

Takeaway: Italian women are passionate but flexible regarding matters of the heart. They value family and tradition, but they will work with you to find a balance that satisfies both of you.

Brazilian Women

Agreeableness Level: 4/5

Brazilian women bring a vibrant energy to relationships. They are warm, affectionate, and very emotionally expressive. I dated a Brazilian woman named Camila during my travels in South America. What struck me most was how easily she went with the flow. Whenever we faced a challenge—long-distance communication or differing opinions on our future—she was always willing to talk things through calmly.

Brazilian women often focus on maintaining emotional harmony in relationships, and Camila was no exception. She would let me lead in certain areas, but her strong personality still shone through in discussions, especially regarding topics she cared about, like social issues and family.

Takeaway: Brazilian women are generally agreeable, and their natural warmth makes them great partners. They thrive in relationships with a mutual balance of emotional expression and decision-making.

Indian Women

Agreeableness Level: 2-3.5/5 (depending on education and background)

Indian women’s agreeableness can vary widely depending on their background and education. I’ve dated highly educated Indian women and those with more traditional upbringings, and the differences are noticeable.

For instance, I dated Anjali, a doctor raised in a progressive, urban environment. She was independent, assertive in her career, and had a strong voice in our relationship. Sometimes, it felt like I was living under an oppressive heat, and we struggled to gauge each other’s mood even though we were from the same culture.

However, she sometimes let me lead in areas more aligned with my strengths, such as financial planning or deciding on holiday destinations. In contrast, women from more traditional backgrounds are more agreeable and willing to defer to their partners on major decisions if they feel valued and respected.

Takeaway: Indian women’s agreeableness depends on their level of education and upbringing. More modern, urban Indian women may be assertive but open to compromise, while traditional women might prefer letting the man take the lead.

Colombian Women

Agreeableness Level: 4/5

Colombian women are like Brazilian women in their warmth and approach to relationships. I dated a Colombian woman named Daniela, and one thing that stood out was how passionate and dedicated she was to our relationship. However, she was also highly agreeable in many ways, always prioritising the relationship’s health over her preferences. We had different views on finances—I was more conservative, and she liked spending more freely. But instead of this becoming a source of conflict, Daniela quickly adapted and found a middle ground where we could both be happy.

Takeaway: Colombian women are naturally warm, affectionate, and very adaptable. They’re great at finding compromises and are often very invested in making the relationship work, even when differences arise.

Final Thoughts

Interracial dating can introduce you to a world of diverse perspectives, but it also means navigating different expectations regarding relationship dynamics. Understanding where your partner’s agreeableness fits on the scale can help you set realistic expectations and avoid unnecessary conflicts. Whether you prefer a more traditional dynamic or an equal partnership, each culture offers a unique approach to love and relationships. The key is communication, mutual respect, and finding someone whose values align with your own.

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